At one of our mission posts there was something that would continually happen that would send me to my knees each time. Almost everytime we would leave for a school vacation break, when we would return we would have to either sit up until morning or sling our hammocks somewhere in the cafeteria to sleep. Our house would appear as if someone had picked it up and had shaken it as hard as they could.
It would take us days to wash all the clothes, fold, pack, replace bookshelves and retstack books, just so we could have our house in a state of normalcy. It would always be a brand new normal because of things that would be broken, torn or just no longer usable. The weird thing is that nothing would be taken, just destroyed and left right there. Just for fun, apparently, because they are drunk and bored.
It would break my heart that this not only happened, but that it was done by the same students that I was sacrificing my life for. The same people that I came to serve. The same kids that would sit before me to be taught, who I would hug good morning and wave goodbye to in the afternoons. The same kids who would come to my home, who I would feed when they were hungry. The same kids who I would be lawyer, doctor, banker, mother, teacher, friend to. Those same kids.
But this broken heart would mend instantly, because of all those same reasons mentioned above. They needed me. This type of behaviour was proof of that. They needed me. I somehow would see the attack for what it was and from whom it actually came. It was the devil who was trying to scare me off. I wouldn’t hold the kids guilty for it. Accountable, yes, as it would not take me long to find out who had done it because someone would always tell. There also would be no love lost. Who was I to make a big deal when it was a drop in the bucket to what my Lord went through when He came to do His mission here.
Years later, I find that all that was only practice, it seems, for what the devil had planned. In mid 2024 my home, not my house this time, was picked and shaken. It was tossed about really badly and months on I still feel like I am sleeping in a hammock in a wall-less cafeteria. Things are shattered, hearts are broken, much is torn and I am still trying to fix corners as I can’t seem to do it room by room. I am shaken, but certainly not stirred. And that is because of the relationship that I choose to have with God.
Shaken but not stirred – To be slightly disturbed or emotionally affected by an experience, but not enough to change one’s behavior or way of thinking. (Google)
Here are five ways that I Take No Thought while being shaken.
- Allow myself to feel the emotion that I am going through. I have heard that there are a few stages of grief. I have gone through all stages and then some, sometimes all in one day. It is tough and confusing, but you must allow yourself the time needed to go through the stages. There are no shortcuts.
- Search for answers from God. I had many questions for Him and I was not going to let Him off that easily. He needed to give me answers. I began reading the Bible, seeking out His methods of handling situations and people who hurt him or His people. I wanted to see how He dealt with others who messed up and what His ways were. I began trying to make His ways my ways and His thoughts my thoughts.
- Don’t stop. I chose to continue with the plans that I had for my life, though it was tough. I know that the timeline may be pushed, but it’s still there. I refused to quit. Keeping at my goals gave me focus and reasons to live to the fullest, in spite of embracing the emotion that I was feeling at the time.
- Don’t be too hard on myself. I chose to cut myself some slack when I find that I am just not able to keep going at that moment because the emotions were too much. For someone who was always hard on herself, I knew that I had to ease up, at least for a while. I needed to find a balance between pushing forward and allowing myself to embrace the emotion.
- Talk with someone. I knew that I needed someone to speak with. Yes, I had God and I always did, and this person was not to replace Him. When the Lord was on earth, He would spend hours talking with His father. He was never a loner. He believed in getting guidance. Yes, I was getting that from the Bible, but I needed to run that by someone, sometimes. That person helped me to make sense of some of the things that I was reading and feeling, by putting them into perspective. It was difficult at times for me to think objectively because I was the one going through the situation. This impartial person would prayerfully help me work through it all.
My Take No Thought journey will end in triumph, because I am choosing so. I will persevere because I can honestly see things coming together. There are more smiles coming out of me each day. There are more genuine, light-hearted conversations as the heart begins to resettle in my chest just right. It’s been a journey. It’s a process, but I know it will end in victory because of the years of practice that I have had rebuilding my home on the mission.
I am on my Take No Thought Journey. Naa, actually, it didn’t begin in the summer of 2024, it began way before that because the devil has always known about my love for God and he has been paying close attention to my dedication. Of course he doesn’t like that. He has been setting up his play for a while, but in his one-track-evil mind he forgot to take into account the muscles that were being built in me each time I had to get up from the blows he would throw. He missed the bigger picture, but I
didn’t. There is a battle raging and I am caught in the crossfire, but my Captain has never lost a battle.
